I have found myself waking in the night, mind racing, thoughts tumbling around in my head and they won’t stop. I lie still, trying to do the tricks of my past so sleep will come again. It won’t! Counting backwards is not working this time. I am totally engulfed in my thoughts. They will not leave me.
Engulf is a verb that means being completely surrounded, soaked, or covered. Fire, snow, smoke, flood waters, or even violence are a few things that could engulf you.
Obviously, there are things that I need to pray to God about. Things that are weighing heaving. Things that I’m feeling a burden for. Things!
So, I get up, sit on the edge of the bed and start praying. I start with giving HIM praise for all he is and all he does for me. And that’s a long list! Then, remind him of my failings. Like he has forgotten! Then I remind myself, he may have not forgotten but he has definitely forgiven. Then I lay it all out there. Handing it over to him. Asking for his guidance and wisdom. Asking him to show me clearly what I can do with these things. Asking him to help me let go or move, which ever he needs me to do. Telling him my fears and dreams. Asking for his help.
Last night as I go through this process of listing all that is on my mind. I realize that there are 3 real areas of burdens. While speaking through these burdens with him I notice something. I notice that each burden has a completely different level of control for me.
The first burden is one that I’ve been wrestling with for a while and I have leaned heavily into him for guidance. I have moved and moved and moved, with nothing! The burden has not left me but my acknowledgment of having ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL of the situation is real. Apparent! I have to let it go and let Him deal with.
The second burden is one the is very close to home. I see suffering and stress to others as a consequence. I feel a load of uncertainty with it. And I do have some control over it. Even though it may not be much, I have some. But the burden is, what does God want me to do with that control? How is he asking me to move and when is the appropriate time. The burden is real. The need for clarity is real. Leaning in is where I’m at.
The third burden was in total control of myself but I’ve allowed someone else to take that control. Yet, I’m still the one burdened with it.
Don’t we all do that? Have burdens that keep us up at night. That we at some level have had, do have or should have control of , yet we don’t.
For me, my burdens are felt deep within. For the most part you would not know that I carry the burden, but on the inside, I’m feeling them. My physical health takes a toll when I carry around burdens. I turn to food to try to engulf my burdens. So my body is suffering. For some of you it may be other things that you turn to, trying to engulf your pain.
But last night, while I was processing another sleepless night, I realized it at yet a new level. “I need to be engulfed by God”, allowing his grace to cover me totally and give me peace, so that I don’t over eat and loose sleep. I need to let his words engulf my thoughts. I need to allow the Holy Spirit to engulf my body so that I can hear him more clearly on what my next move is.
Romans 6:14 For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.
What burdens are you carrying around with you that you should allow God to engulf? When are you going to take the step to let him?
I love you and I am so grateful! Amen