But I trust YOU

IMG_3385Tamara Barron:  Known to me as “Tami”.  I’m so proud of her!  I met her the 1st night she came to Celebrate Recovery and oh, what a difference from them to now.  The smile on her face today can light up a room but there was no smile then.  We have had lunch, talked life and walked (figuratively) a long path of healing together and I can’t say enough about her.  She’s energetic and creative, determined and confident but most of all she now understands how much God loves her and that is making her path more joyful.  Excited to see where HE takes her.

I was born on December the 29th, 1970 in Lexington, KY.  My mother was a house wife and my father was an architect for a large firm.  At six years old, I started having petit mal seizures, and at nine years old, I was diagnosed with scoliosis, and started having severe anxiety.     Junior high and high school were kind of a blur to me.  I tested into the first advanced placement program in Lexington, but did not fit in very well with the other students.  By the time I was in ninth grade, I had alienated myself so bad from everyone that I became depressed and saw no joy in life at all.  I was 15 when I first contemplated suicide.

In high school, I began learning about the occult, Satanism, and witchcraft.  I felt powerful over my situations by scaring people, and became obsessed with vampirism, and horror movies.      I was a promising classical pianist, and an artist, but wasted a lot of time experimenting with witchcraft, drugs, and alcohol. 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”  Deep down inside, I knew that the way I had been living was wrong, but my fascination with the occult began to control my life.  I became scared to even leave my room, and I was committed to a psychiatric ward when I was 18.  I dedicated my life to God during this time and began to attend church.

I met my first true love shortly after leaving the psychiatric ward.  He seemed like a very nice guy, but I quickly put my relationship with him before God.  After only a few months into our relationship, however, he was arrested and sent away.  I fell into a deep depression, and when it came time to start college, I couldn’t do it.

I did eventually go to college, graduating with a Bachelor’s Degree in Biology and became a lab manager despite being formerly diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy in 1996.  During this time period, I met and married my first husband.  He was my dream guy; a hard rock guitar player who was witty, fun, and very handy with power tools.  Our relationship was tumultuous, however, and maintaining a relationship with God become impossible.  I gave God up to make my atheist husband happy.  This was the beginning of my codependency.

In the fall of 2001, we purchased a Queen Anne Victorian house built in 1898.  We worked every weekend for several years trying to restore our dream home.  In 2006, tired and weary from struggling to make ends meet, we started drinking every night to “take the edge off”.  It wasn’t long before the alcohol started causing many nights of yelling at one another like children.  But, I told myself everything was fine.

In 2009, my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.  My drinking got worse during this time, and it was a common occurrence for me to drink ¾’s of a bottle of wine before bed. My boss and my husband were both verbally abusive, and I felt powerless in my situation.  If God loved me, why did he make me suffer?  So I decided He didn’t exist, and embraced atheism.

I finally left my job of 13 years in the spring of 2010 to help care for my mother, and my husband and I fought nonstop about it.  With her death in 2011, I was just defeated.  I drank until I passed out every night. I tried to be the best house wife I knew how, taking all the responsibilities around the house.  I began writing my first novel, and also created many original works of art which I sold in local art fairs.  I was trying, but it wasn’t enough for my husband.  I was lonely, sad, and felt unloved.  In fact, I really didn’t know what being loved felt like.

My husband grew more distant over time.  One night in late 2014, I confronted him about it.  We broke out into an alcohol-induced argument.  After that night, he started going to bars at random, telling me I had to stay at home.  Finally, after a month of this, he said he was done with our marriage.  I went to my sister’s house to calm down, and when I returned the following morning he was gone.

I sank to floor, and it finally hit me that my whole life as I knew it, was over.  My job had failed, my husband had left, and without income, I would lose the house I worked so hard to fix up.  I shook uncontrollably.  The divorce papers came in the mail, and I was being force to sell the house and split the money with him.  I was in such shock that I couldn’t eat, sleep, or move and all I did was sit in a chair all day and drink and cry.  I attempted to go back to work, but soon realized I couldn’t maintain a job and drink what I needed to drink to keep from shaking. I wanted to die.  I would sit in the dark with my wine glass, and contemplate suicide.

One morning, I staggered into CVS to purchase some more wine, and when I took it to the counter, I broke down crying and told the lady that I didn’t want to drink anymore but I didn’t know how to stop.  She asked if she could pray with me.   So there we were, in public, a nice lady and very broken down, atheist woman, praying to God for healing.  She then told me about Celebrate Recovery, a faith based twelve step program.       IMG_0805

I continued drinking for a year, but in the Fall of 2015, I was at rock bottom. I made an appointment to detox, and found out that I was one month form cirrhosis.  Without the alcohol, the pain that I had numbed for so long hit me hard.  I knew I could not do this alone, and decided to go to Celebrate Recovery.

The first night I went in, I couldn’t believe all of the people there that were just like me.  Then I heard the first step for the first time.  Step one states, “We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors and that our lives have become unmanageable.”  At 92 pounds, 2 packs of cigarettes, and two bottles of wine a day, it was a miracle I was sitting there.  But that word powerless… All I wanted was power to control my situations, to only come in here and hear that I was powerless?  But then I heard step 2 which reads, “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

The one thing I learned about recovery is that it hurt, it wasn’t easy.  I suffered with horrible anxiety and a hole in my heart left from my ex.  But the more I went to the meetings, the better I felt.  I joined a step study, and I admit, the first time I opened my bible, I cried so hard the pages were wet.  My pride was hurt.  But Jesus had the patience to wait while I swallowed my pride, and slowly allowed him to fill that painful hole in my heart.  He started by first whispering in my ear John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes unto the father except through me.”  I realized that I had to let my past go and accept Christ back into my life.

I began listening to contemporary Christian music.  It calmed me, and the dark, sad songs in my head were replaced with songs of inspiration, and undying love that Jesus showed us on the cross.  I read several devotionals a day, and repeat the serenity prayer when things get tough.  My sponsor, accountability partners, and step study leaders and sisters have been a true blessing to me.  When I feel down, I reach out. God put a new Christian man in my life, and we were married on June 3, 2017.  I have learned that life is about choices. I choose to remain sober.  God cannot make me do it, but he can help me make a daily commitment to turn my will over to Him.    I still struggle with anxiety, but when it hits, I remind myself of Mathew 6:34 which states: “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Live one day at a time.”

I thought I was hopeless, and now I am a leader at Celebrate Recovery.  The changes I have made in my life are possible for anyone who turns their life over to Christ.  I know that there is no depth of sorrow or darkness that Jesus Christ cannot reach.  Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”  I have found in all my feelings of powerlessness that the true power comes in just saying, “Lord, I don’t know where I am going or how to get there, but I trust You.” by: Tami


Lord…………You are so good.  I’m grateful for the people that you put in my life who encourage me to keep going just by the way they live their lives.  Amen







The truth is God made all things, owns all things and loves His children.  Me and You!

Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 23:1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

We can not simply sit and watch life happen to us.  There may be times when we are without ability from sickness or other outside influences and the Lord will provide as He sees necessary.  But there are things that are required from us for those provisions.


1 Chronicles 16:11  Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.

Lamentations 3:25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;


Luke 5:4-6  When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”   Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”  When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break


2 Kings 4:1-6 The Widow’s Olive Oil

Mark 6:34-44  Feeding of the Five Thousand


Matthew 7:7  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.


Psalm 68:19  Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,  who daily bears our burdens.

1 Thessalonians 5:18  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:17  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Hebrews 12:28  Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken,let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe,


2 Corinthians 2:14  But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere.

It’s not ever His intent to withhold anything from us.

He created so that He could provide.

Take the steps necessary to reap the full benefit of what God provides.

Lord, I do not say it enough.  I take for granted each day that You will provide all I need.  I know that I should verbalize it more but I pray Lord that You will listen to my heart and know that I am Grateful!  I pray Lord that I will share that gratefulness with others so they too will understand.  Amen!


25 Years and Counting

25 Years and Counting: If we’d been in high school and named in one of those year book type contest, you know the ones……. “Voted the best/least …………………..”, the vote would have gone something like this, “Least likely to make it.”

Boy, am I glad that God is in control and not man!

Here is where it started…… continue scrolling to see more…….





God works even if you aren’t asking Him to.  Tom was introduced to me by one of my coworkers.  He was told some pretty grandiose stories and quickly figured out that it wasn’t so grandiose.  But he hung around anyway.  I was a mess and didn’t realize it.  He wasn’t where he needed to be and didn’t realize it.   It started out stormy with literally the “Storm of the Century” for the Carolina’s. Our original date was 3/13 but ended up on the 14th of March.  God knew exactly what he was doing.

Together we were a volcano awaiting eruption.   Lots of baggage being unpacked little by little and cobwebs being swept away.  It was hard but it was so worth it.

Both of us ready to give up on each other many times, but something, someone, God, kept us together.  Working on us individually so we could see past our self and see our spouse.  God placed many people in our lives that gave sweet words of wisdom that would stop us in our tracks and keep us hanging on for dear life.

God created marriage, designed for life…..

Genesis 2:24

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Man is who has changed that design…….

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

God put a stubborn streak in each of us and thankfully we were able to use that stubborn streak to hold on tight.  But it takes 2……

Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Ephesians 5:25-33

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, …

We did a lot of things wrong but God is the redeemer of those that love Him and He redeemed this marriage and this family, 10 fold.  And I am grateful!

So, we get up each new day and keep holding on because this marriage was designed until Death do you Part.

Psalm 85:10

Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.

Thank  you Lord!



Changing and Loving it!

This tree, which once stood grand and proper, shaded and protected those who admired it.  Year after year, seasons come and go, storms beat away at it’s body and drought withered it’s roots.  Through the seasons, storms and droughts it stood firm until the day it shaded no more.  But yet it still stands,  stump of beautiful artwork from God.  To be admired for it’s resilience.

A change in the beautiful creation of God took place, what once stood firm, shading and protecting, changed and is still beautiful.

The same is, will be and can still be for you and me.

2 Corinthians 3:18

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. biblegateway-com-logo_orig

Much change has taken place within this soul of mine.  I’ve sought, I’ve learned and I’ve loved deeply even more.

I’ve suffered much and I’ve miss understood the meaning of love.  There’s been times when I was done.  Or at least I thought I was.  I’ve seen that God was not done with me.

Over the years I have read many books, other than the bible, that would make huge changes in my mind and soul.  They each came into my focus at certain times, times that God had laid out for me, times that only He knew I was ready for.  The first book came to me, I’m not even sure through who, called “Are you there God, it’s me Margaret”, as a child this was my first remembrance of the seed being place in my mind of a God who is always there for me.  That seed lingered for many many years before it started taking root.  But it was all in God’s timing as he worked on me.  Then in 1991, during a very soul searching time in my life, my relationship with Christ started blooming, the seed began to sprout.  That sprout grew slowly but continued and change began, I began allowing Him to use me.  Trials, storms, pain, drought, hit and hit hard many times. And around 2006, “Boundaries- When to say Yes and when to say No” came to me.  Change started happening quick and the seed started blooming.  Now for a little fertilizing to strengthen the roots with “Celebration of Disciplines”.  This was a time of deep dependence on Christ, on his faithfulness, on his grace, on his forgiveness, on his strength, on his resilience and on his love for me. This was a game changer for me.  I knew that he was calling me to MORE.  And I was ready to say  Yes.  I have read many books since then, “1000 Gifts” by Ann Voskamp,  “The Longing in me” by Sheila Walsh, “Uninvited” by Lysa TerKeurst just to name a few.  But I recently read the book “Braving the Wilderness” and currently reading to “If you wan to walk on water, then you must get out of the boat” by John Orteberg, see the information below on Resilient People. See links below to some of these.  This book pointed out to me just how much I have changed and how much I still have to learn.

Resilient People:

  1. Refuse to be the Victim
  2. Refuse to betray their values
  3. Have a deep dependence on God

3 Qualities of Resilient People:

  1. Exercise control rather than passive acceptance.  With God we are never helpless.
  2. Remain Committed to their values – when tempted to compromise. Loyalty to values is powerful even if it leads to suffering.
  3. Find meaning and purpose in their storm. Storms have a way of teaching like nothing else can.

John Orteberg says, “You’re heart is revealed and your character forged when life doesn’t turn out the way you planned”.

I’m excited about the growing, changing that He is placing in front of me.    I pray that you will change with me.  I pray growth and a deeper dependence on God for your life.  I pray that you too will be resilient.

Thank you Lord for your Son and thank you for loving me before I even knew You. Amen!
















What makes you most sick and tired?  There is a number of reasons I could say I’m Tired.

I’m most Tired of being Sick and Tired!


Psalm 83:18

That they may know that you alone, whose name is the Lord, are the Most High over all the earth.

Of our………..

Whinging instead of Rejoicing    Philippians 4:4-9

Judgement instead of Loving     Hebrews 13:1

Bitterness instead of Kindness   Colossians 3:12

Leading instead of Seeking    Matthew 6:33

Neediness instead of Abundance   Psalm 65:11

But instead of Sick and Tired, God has……..

In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord your Redeemer.
Ephesians 2:8-9 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.

But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever.
Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.
Thank you Lord!!!!!!!!






Philippians 3:13-15

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.

Isaiah 43:18-19

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Shadows of Regret can take over our thoughts, over shadowing any miracles happening in our lives.   We will not see or feel the blessings that our God has promised us if we are continually looking to the past to find our future.  Our future begins when we begin trusting Him fully, not allowing Satan to use our past to feed our regret.

I have had my share.  I still have a few. But I’m learned that God does not want me to live in them.  Some regrets were by my doing and some not but they are all in the past, done, not to be relived again and again.

2 Corinthians 7:10

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

My regrets are washed clean by Jesus’s blood.  Hopefully I have learned by the lessons I have overcome, hopefully I will not repeat them again.  I’m sure that I will stumble, I am human. But He will pick me up and wash me clean again.

Lord, Thank You for my life and my hope.  Amen






Genesis 1:27 So God created mankind in his own image,  in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Genesis 1 (Creation – Full Chapter)

As I gaze out my desk window, I see trees with no leaves, brown grass, rain soaked ground and a dull blue sky.  To most, this is not beauty.   But as I continue to gaze I’m reminded of the One who created it all.  He is the creator of beauty.  He created the different seasons for a reason.  In the winter season, everything is taking a rest.  Replenishing it’s roots so when the spring season arises beauty in it’s purest form will emerge.   Each season has it’s own beauty.

The same goes for me. When I was young I had the beauty of a child and as I age my beauty simply gets more distinct.   I’ve had to grasp the realization that my outer beauty is not what My God is most interested in.  Obviously, if the outer skin was something that He put great importance on, then we would all be the same on the outside.  But it’s our inner beauty that He holds to the highest standards. If I was honest, and I will be, my inner beauty hasn’t always been that of His standard.  I was filled will anger, judgement, shame, guilt, pride and resentment.  Sometimes our experiences in this world can bring out all types of inner ugly.  I’m grateful that He was patient with me.   He has been full of mercy, grace and forgiving me of all my inner ugly.  I rejoice and now I call myself “beauty”.

We all have that same inner beauty that He created, we just need to seek Him to find it.  I’ve come across many who have allowed the experiences of this world to rob them of the beauty that they possess.  I have learned that the beauty that God placed in me can be used to help others find theirs.  By having mercy, grace and sharing God’s forgiveness with them, they are able to realize their inner beauty that God filled them with.

So we need to STOP looking at the outer beauty of things and people and remember the inner beauty God placed there.  Love and experience the beauty of this world, filled with mercy, grace and forgiveness, sharing His beauty.

Lord I thank You for your patience with me.  I thank You for keeping me from wondering too far off the path.  I thank You for your Son who sacrificed so that I would have an opportunity to show others who You are.  I’m Grateful!  Amen!






Are we allowing the Holy Spirit to illuminate Christ in us?

John 14:26 (Full Chapter)

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

I don’t know about you but I wasn’t really taught about the Holy Spirit in my early Christian walk.  I knew that God was a great and mighty God.  Creator of all things, my provider and my protector.  I knew that He gave up His only Son for my salvation and to lay out a path of examples for me to follow. But then what?  The Holy Spirit was this uncharted territory that no one really knew how to explain or even wanted to.    So here I went trying to live my Christian life still by my own understanding.  Let me tell you, that didn’t always turn out so well.  My understanding is limited and as I age, I find that it’s even more limited than yesterday.  My decision making was based on what I thought and I didn’t understand that God had also given me a help, the Holy Spirit, to guide me if I would let him.  I’m still a little foggy on how to do that but I’m learning that if my eagerness to do is not been lead by a period of prayer, waiting, prayer, waiting, listening and a heaping full of gut (inward guidance), then most likely I’m not waiting on the Holy Spirit to help me with my walk.

I definitely don’t have the Holy Spirit thing all figured out.  I definitely don’t always do enough praying and waiting.  I definitely don’t always allow my gut to lead me instead of my head & heart.  But I’m learning.  I’m listening.  And I’m eagerly awaiting His guidance.

So I encourage you to seek out the Holy Spirit that you’ve been given for your guidance.  Allow Him to help you through your days.

Lord, I thank you!  You have left nothing to chance.  You gave me a beautiful life, you gave me your son for my forgiveness so that I would have hope for a beautiful eternity and you’ve given me the Holy Spirit to walk with me through my beautiful days.  I’m grateful!  Lord I pray that others, those I love and those I do not know, will seek you as they live here on earth so that they will be with me in heaven.  Amen!

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Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

James 1:5-6 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

We tend to ask “Why?” when things don’t go the way we wanted them to go.  We ask “Why?” when bad things happen to the innocent.  We ask “Why?” when we can’t seem to change our own sin.  Why do we ask why?

Do we lack the faith to know that God is in control even if we don’t understand the outcomes?  Do we lack the hope to give to others who are in the midst of a trial?  Do we lack the trust to leave it up to God teach us what we need to know and give us the strength and power to make the necessary changes?

If our faith, hope and trust is based on our own sight then it definitely can lack but if it’s based on the unseen Christ we will lack in nothing.

We will not ask Why when we suffer or see suffering of this world because we understand it is of the fallen world but we will rejoice, being filled with hope, courage, strength and endurance because of our knowledge of Christ.

Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Psalm 9:10

And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.