For several years now, I have had the hope that only God can give.
I didn’t always have that! I don’t know that I even really understood there was such a thing. I found courage in myself and held high expectations on others. Early in my life I recognized that my expectations only lead me to discouragement and pain. People have failed me in my life. As I’m sure that some could say of me.
The last 10 or so years I have studied long on the subject of boundaries. Boundaries are a necessary part of our lives. If we don’t hold strong to our boundaries, others will surely walk all over us or we could walk all over others. I have learned so much about myself through this journey of study. I have learned that the word boundary was not even in my vocabulary. I learned early in my years that my God given boundaries could be violated without any consideration. I learned that allowing those violations to direct my decisions would lead to even more fractured boundaries in my life. But this journey into a life with boundaries has strengthened my Hope, Courage and still working on the Expectations.
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
Boundaries are internal and Expectations are external. Since my boundaries were non-existent and my internal radar was turned off, I was guided only by the direction of others. My thought process was determined by how I felt the people around me felt about me. I was missing the internal guide (Holy Spirit John 16:12-15). This process set me up for living with expectations of others. Expectations in the world of boundaries can be a slippery slop of disappointment. Many in my life have failed in my expectations. From childhood traumas to adulthood sin, the expectations of others has dug a pit in my life. But NO MORE!
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
God is still working on me! It will be a never ending process until the day I die. But what I have learned through my boundary setting process is that I’m the only one in control of how I move through life. I am the only one in control of how I love people. I am the only one in control of whether I allow the Spirit to guide me or others. I have also learned that regardless of the childhood traumas or the adulthood sins, I can not let the failed expectations of others keep me in a pit of hell. They are in control of them not me. I became free when I removed my expectations of others.
This journey that God has had me on, has been rocky. My hope has been hanging on by a thread at times, my courage has been weak and my expectations of what God could do through me has been shallow. He has taught me much. Without hope, I have no need for courage and without courage, I will never take the steps needed to fulfill my expectations of what God can do through me. Change is a necessary evil. It’s not easy, in fact it’s painful, but it’s needed.
There are a couple areas in my life that have been life long struggles (Romans 7:15-16 ) I share with you a testimony of great expectations in my life. Now the Hope that I know is truth and the Courage that I know He gives me comes with the Expectation that He can also change me. I am grateful for those God has placed in my life who hold me up, encourage me and walk my days.
I know Lord that you have great plans for me. I know that you fully understand my weakness and you will give me the strength needed to conquer them. I pray Lord that I will allow the Holy Spirit to guide me. Amen!