Kaitlyn, gentle, broken, restoring, strong and faithful comes to mind. God is funny and wondrous. I have a facebook page with a lot of women members that I don’t know. There are times when HE continuously pops up faces in front of me and I continue to see them. That’s when I know to PM them and set up a date for lunch. That is how I got to know Kaitlyn. We hit it off immediately, I knew she was someone that I needed to be part of my world. I’ve only seen her in body 3 times but with every conversation I see another layer of who God made her to be and watching her discover that for herself. It’s exciting to watch! As I said, Kaitlyn has many layers so when I asked her to write her story, the decision had to be made, “which one?”. I’m blessed to be able to share at least the 1st of many stories that Kaitlyn has for us.
Kaitlyn MacMillian: Life is complicated. It’s often a mess and I think I’ve made a mess of mine. But God knew that about us all. He has come to redeem us from this world of sin that corners us. It seems that I had real love and faith in Christ from a young age. When I was seven, I understood my need of salvation and trusted Christ as my savior. When I look back I think, “Really? Did I really understand how to repent of sin and trust that Christ paid my sin debt so that I could go to Heaven?” I know that I loved Him. And so even though my fleshly living seems to have outweighed my Spirit-filled living, Christ has loved me through it all. His grace has allowed me to grow as a person to have a heart that is more like His. That care never ends.
My mother was a licensed professional counselor so I was psychoanalyzed from a young age. There were some serious reasons that I needed help. But I didn’t fully realize my needs until I was in my teens. When I was only 15, I got pregnant. Sexual promiscuity revealed to my mind that I had been sexually abused by a friend’s father when I was very young. I was so shocked and told my mother. She did not believe it. So when the pregnancy came and my parents made the decision that I should have an abortion, I learned that death begets death. I was responsible for my pregnancy and my abortion because if you’re old enough to have sex, then you are old enough to know what it can lead to. But I was naive. The whole episode led to more misunderstandings with my parents. They were very angry with me. My parents didn’t mean to harm me, but they just did not do a good job with this. Image was important and I came close to blowing ours. My mental health went downhill. I tried to commit suicide and so I was committed to a mental institution for five months. I took my Bible with me. When I got to my room, I opened it up and the Lord showed me:
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
This has been my life verse. Over and over again, the Lord has brought it to my mind. Probably because I am lousy at really following it. But His mercy keeps coming. And I need Him every hour.
Now I have been married for 30 years and have 12 children. One dozen is a huge number and we never expected to have that many. We have three biological children and nine adopted from Africa. Wow. We have had trouble. Crazy, ceaseless trouble for about 8 years. Now my kids are grown and they are all gone. This new quiet that I had wished for is so unsettling. I home schooled for 25 years. I don’t know what to do with myself. I have a lot of physical illness from not taking care of myself. It has kept me alone too much. And the tale has many extra difficulties.
But I have to learn to live again. I have to learn to continue trusting my great God for the next step. The past does not have the answers for me outside of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. But I must focus on the fact that Jesus is alive! He has made me new – every single morning, I’m new right along with His mercy.
Perfect Love casts out all fear. I just have to step out. And all the way, my Savior leads me.
Lord, You are a gracious and loving Father. I am grateful and I know that Kaitlyn is too. You have blessed us with family and you have blessed her with a huge heart for those that need love. I thank you for bringing her into my life and I pray that you will guide our steps in the future. Amen!